Madden NFL 13 cheat sheet wipes your sweat away

Madden NFL 13 Stuff

And here it is! The manliest game in the history of manly games played by men who wear manly padding and manly helmets!

This week, as everyone knows, the manliest of manly videogames ever made about manly men playing a manly sport in manly pads and manly helmet is out. Yeah, baby, it’s Madden NFL 13 and I’ll be reviewing it too!

Thankfully the folk I’m working for know the importance of this title and so took steps to ensure that not only did it arrive in one piece, but I’d have the necessary equipment to review it when it did. Take a look, for example, at the security measures they took before sending it via the post

Madden NFL 13 Stuff

The editor is well-versed in Tape-Fu!

You’d need a blowtorch to steam that amount of tape off! Or a knife to cut through it, but then you wouldn’t be able to rummage through the contents and re-seal it if you did. Score 1 for manly security. But what’s this?

Madden NFL 13 Stuff

The manly purple sweat strap!

Clearly playing Madden NFL 13 is going to produce sweat upon my brow, and what better way to clear away this perspiration than a manly purple sweat strap? I can taste the testosterone now! It tastes fuzzy!!

Madden NFL 13 Stuff

The front side ain’t for wiping sweat, suckers!

But removing bodily fluids isn’t the only thing this peripheral sportsman’s asset does. It’s outer flap bears the legend of the most awesome brand in sports entertainment. No, not the WWE! The other one!

Madden NFL 13 Stuff

The power of the Quarterback reduced to a convenient manual/sweatstrap combo!

Flip open this flap and what do we have? A list of play calls? A cheat sheet for NFL noobs? A list of commands to yell at the Kinect module in the hope it’ll recognise half of them?

NO! It’s a series of Godlike pronouncements that, when spoken, are capable of reigning down a litany of destruction on any foes one face on the field of manly competition!!

Are you pumped!? I said are you pumped??!! I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOU!!!!

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3 Responses to Madden NFL 13 cheat sheet wipes your sweat away

  1. neil says:

    That is AWESOME! Can you make me one, and how much?

  2. Nick Cowen says:

    I can do better than that, sport! DM me on twitter and you can have the sweatband from THAT VERY STORY!
    You can find me on twitter @witenoyze and @gamewaste

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