In the next couple of weeks Fallout New Vegas and Fable III hit the shelves in gaming retail outlets around the country. Both are massive RPG adventures, both look to be high-quality titles and both will take you the rest of your natural life to complete. The problem is, both appeal to exactly the same type of gamer. So which one should you buy? To help you make up your mind, I’ve prepared a handy questionnaire. Remember to be honest; you only risk sacrificing your own enjoyment if you lie:
1. I like spending time in:
A) Dustbowls filled with broken buildings, subterranean tunnels filled with giant roaches and vast expanses of desert.
C) An office, wearing a tie, making tough decisions that affect millions of people.
2) You’re confronted by a violent thug bent on nicking your stuff. Do you:
A) Pull out your rusty shotgun, stop time dead in its tracks, target their noggin, proceed to blow it clean off their shoulders and watch it bounce down the road like a ripe melon.
B) Shoot them, stab them, shoot them again and then magic them.
C) I wouldn’t be caught dead in a neighbourhood where that sort of thing would happen.
3. You meet a stranger for the first time. You greet them by:
A) Saying hello. Well, duh!
B) Grab them in a clinch, Tango with them and then toss them up in the air. Well, that or fart on them. Ooooh, wait I could do a jig and whistle at them like an idiot. Or, again, I could fart on them.
C) It depends on who they are and why we’re being introduced.
4. You’re exploring a new area and suddenly your Geiger Counter goes off. What do you do?
A) Simple; I take a hit of Rad-Away or I fast-travel the hell out of there.
B) What is this Geiger Counter of which you speak? Is it a Faerie device?
C) Don’t be preposterous. We’re renewing Trident just so this sort of thing doesn’t happen.
5. You come across someone who says they’re prepared to9 be your ally. What do they look like?
A) A bloke wearing leather armour and carrying a very big gun.
B) My butler.
C) Nick Clegg.
6. The world is in turmoil because:
A) It’s been largely lawless since the bombs dropped, but the fact that the NCR and Caesar’s Legion are at each other’s throats, doesn’t help.
B) The Prince is mad.
C) We’re still paying for the mistakes of the previous administration.
7. The most important piece of equipment you own is:
A) My PipBoy. I’d be lost without it.
B) The map in my hideaway. Or my Blunderbuss. I can’t decide.
C) A red box with all my papers in it.
8. You have some free time so you decide to relax and unwind. Do you:
A) Hit the strip, play some caravan and try your luck at the roulette tables.
B) Dress up as a giant chicken and take part in an am-dram play in the local village (Believe me: until you’ve done it, you haven’t lived).
C) ‘Free’? What does that mean?
9. John Cleese or Ron Perlman?
A) Ron Perlman!
B) John Cleese!
C) Fawlty Towers ruled and so did Monty Python. So, Cleese, obviously. Mind you, I hear good things about the Sons Of Anarchy…
10. What console do you own?
A) What does it matter?
B) Xbox 360 all the way baby!
C) Oh I’ve heard of those. I think my friend’s son owns one.
Mostly A) You are a warrior of the wasteland who knows the value of V.A.T.S. and a good ol’ bottle of Nuke-Cola. Fallout New Vegas should see you right.
Mostly B): You have already pre-ordered a copy of Fable III and only did this silly questionnaire to pass the time. The world of Albion calls to you again, and you will heed her call.
You answered A) or C) to question 10: Your decision has already been made for you. Fallout New Vegas, baby.
Mostly C): You are clearly a very busy individual. I would recommend a copy of Vanquish, because it can be played in short bursts and is like, completely awesome. Oh, and can the video games industry have its tax cut now, please?