Attention citizen. Next year Homefront launches and you will need to be in the head-space of an American citizen whose country has been conquered by the North Korean Army. Or something. To that end, THQ has produced this handy Guide to teach you to smile, shut up and get to work.
First, citizen, we shall measure the size of the Guide using the ever-reliable paperback-to-thingy ratio.
See! It’s comparable in size to some of the finest works of literature ever created. I’m sure when you scan, digest and then memorise its contents, this Guide will become one of your favourite reads. Observe how easily is sits next to the rest of your books (which may need to be reviewed and then burned).
One might say that it’s almost subversive how easily the Guide hides itself on your shelf. But it’s not subversive, and the use of such language to describe the Guide is illegal and punishable by death.
The Guide contains some fantastic artwork of your new leader, along with a brief history of how your backwards capitalist scum country got its rear-end handed to it on a plate. Read, absorb and realise that any resistance – as portrayed in the forthcoming title Homefront – is futile.
Besides, why would you want to resist? Under the new rule happiness is delivered, apparently. In fruit form. By the military.
The Guide also contains a list of rules for rationing your minerals, water and other resources. Presumably while they’re being pumped out of the country.
It also contains a list of numbers you can call for assistance. Since this is promotional material, citizen, these numbers are fake and there is no-one on the other end of them. However, they’ll still be more use to you than about half of the customer service lines operating for UK businesses.
Is your blood boiling with patriotic zeal over this fake propaganda. No? Mine neither. Still it’s certainly a creepy little item for any collectors of game tat out there. Any takers?