What is this, may you ask? Well, you may. You may very well may. This is one of the weirdest things I’ve been sent so far. It is, I kid you not, Final Fantasy XIII Elixir! What is that? Damned if I know…Still, the packaging is nice, isn’t it? Pink and white box. The product’s name down the side. The promise of a toy statue inside it. Oh yes, this all looks lovely. But first, let’s use take a quick measurement on the paperback-to-thingy scale.
It’s roughly the size and width of a particularly chunky paperback. Still, it may contain other-worldly treasures; items of such mythical importance they change the fortunes of Cocoon if unleashed! Tell you what, I’m prepared to break the seal – and thus seriously diminish this baby’s sale value on ebay to find out. It’s go time!
I see. Hmph!
Okay, what we have here is a can of some liquid which I’m too afraid to open and a snap-together statue wrapped in plastic. Knowing my luck it’ll be Vanille. Still, let’s examine the contents a little more closely shall we?
I don’t know what’s in this can, but I do know that some day it will be used as an explosive hand-thrown missile in the imminent zombie apocalypse. How do I know this? Well, I can’t sell this now. First, it looks too cool! Second, I’m not sure it’s legal for me to sell a beverage over the internet without my being fully aware of its contents. This can is destined to sit around my house now for the rest of eternity. The only time it will ever come off the shelf is if my other half and I are barricaded in our house against the undead and she points out it may make a useful projectile.
By the way, Square Enix, if it doesn’t immediately decimate anything in front of it, and as a result my other half and I are pulled apart by the undead, you will seriously go down in my estimation as a publisher of kick ass games! Just saying.
Now, onto the rest of the content.
Right. So the statue I got was that of the whiniest character in all of Final Fantasy XIII. Well I could put him on the shelf next to the other cool toys I have. In fact I think I’ll do just that.
I can’t speak to the merits of Final Fantasy XIII Elixir as a drink – or a zombie repellent. I can’t think of anyone who played the game who’d want to give Hope pride of place on their mantlepiece. However, the whole package is just the right size to be a really stylish book-end. Especially if you have a burgeoning collection of books on the Far East like I do. It looks right at home, doesn’t it?